


Periwinkle Pillows

by shittystorywriter



Category: South Park
Genre: Drabble, Fluff, Fluffy, Hoarding, Love, M/M, Marriage, Stan hoards dental products, style, toothpaste
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 10:01:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14850674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shittystorywriter/pseuds/shittystorywriter
Summary: Stan and Kyle, now married and 30 years old, talk about life and Stan's toothpaste hoarding problems.





	Periwinkle Pillows

**Author's Note:**

> I got kinda bored and wrote this for fun. It might be a bit out of character, but ya know, they're supposed to be a married couple in this

Kyle rubbed at his red, sore eyes. Ahh, allergy season was here again. He went to the bathroom and opened the mirror cabinet in search of some eye drops, but the moment he opened it, an avalanche of various products fell out. Five tubes of toothpaste, two packets of toothpicks, three rolls of floss, a miscellaneous tooth whitening product, and a mini bottle of mouthwash, just to add to the collection of large bottles of mouthwash held in the larger bathroom closet. And that was just the bedroom bathroom. The main bathroom had an even more extensive collection of various dental products, most of which he was certain they did not need - at least not an entire collection of them, anyway. There was even _more_ stuff being stored in a box stashed under their bed.

He cursed and muttered as he looked down at all of the tubes of toothpaste on the floor. They just didn't fit inside the tiny medicine cabinet. Although he was tempted to throw some away, he knew that Stan would freak out if he did that. Instead, he scooped everything up and threw it all into a bin inside the closet.

He finally found his eye drops shoved inside the back of the cabinet, hidden behind yet another mini bottle of mouthwash.

* * *

Later that evening, Kyle joined Stan on the couch. Their romantic dinner consisted of cheap beer and a frozen supermarket pizza. A new Crest toothpaste commercial came on the television and Stan got excited. "Oh, I haven't tried that one yet!"

Kyle rolled his eyes. After the TV show they were watching ended, he decided that it was time for an intervention. He went to the bathroom and came back with the bin, crammed full of dental products. With a sigh, he dropped the heavy container on the floor next to Stan. "Dude. This is getting out of hand. Do we really need this much crap for our teeth??"

Stan blinked, looking at the container and then at his husband. He knew that this talk was going to come eventually. It was becoming increasingly difficult to hide his dental product hoarding addiction, especially as he ran out of places to store his stash. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Umm..well, you know, it should last us awhile! I plan to use all of it eventually."

Kyle looked through the bin, pulling out various things as he read the labels. "Sensitive teeth paste. Whitening paste. Remineralizing paste. Remineralizing powder. Fluoride gel. Spongebob tooth paste. Okay, why do we have Spongebob toothpaste? This is for little kids."

Stan put his hands up in surrender. "It was on sale, and it looked fun and colorful. I just wanted to try it, gosh Kyle!"

He sounded just like his father. Kyle put the stuff back in the bin and sat down. He grabbed another product out of the bin and looked at the label. "This one's entirely written in Japanese or something, I don't even know what it is."

Stan grabbed the product, looked at it and shrugged. "Oh, uh, it was some stuff I found on Amazon. It has some new dental ingredient that's supposed to strengthen your teeth and gums," he beamed, showing off his flawlessly pearly teeth.

Kyle just chuckled. "But your teeth are already perfect."

"Yeah, because I use all this stuff!" he exclaimed. "Duh!"

Kyle smacked him in the arm playfully. "Your teeth were already fine, even before you started amassing a dental supply warehouse in our bathroom."

"Well, collecting toothpaste is my new hobby. Just like you've begun collecting boxes of minute rice and pastaroni," Stan replied, blinking. They stared at each other blankly for a moment before bursting into laughter.

"Jesus, when did we get so lame?" Kyle continued to laugh, burying his head into Stan's arm.

Stan hugged him as he nearly lost his breath from laughter. "Now that I think of it, I think it started sometime after we turned thirty."

Kyle's eyes widened at the reminder that indeed, they were both thirty years old now. It seemed like just yesterday they were kids. But Stan was older by a few months, so he could still rub that in, at least. "You turned thirty earlier than me, so I guess you're just a little bit lamer than me, sweetie," he teased.

"You just called me sweetie. What the fuck? Only old gay men say that." Stan playfully ruffled Kyle's hair.

"Well, I am getting older and gayer, what do you expect?"

"You're getting gayer?" Stan quirked an eyebrow. "I didn't know that was even possible."

"Yes, it's starting to rub off from you onto me," Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Oh really? Do you remember our wedding? When you insisted we wear matching colored flowers?" Stan snickered.

Kyle sighed. "You're never gonna let that go, are you? I don't even see what's so funny about it. People wear flowers at weddings, duh!"

Stan continued snickering as he mocked Kyle in an effeminate voice, "Should we go with the _peach_ or the _periwinkle_?" He began laughing boisterously. " _Periwinkle!_ Oh my god."

Kyle, feeling his temper flare up, grabbed a pillow from the couch and smacked him with it.

Stan defended himself from the pillow with his arms. "You know what would really liven this place up? Some _periwinkle_ pillows." He continued laughing.

Kyle smacked him again, reluctantly letting out a sputtered chuckle.

"Or how about some periwinkle scented candles?" the pearly teeth grinned, yanking the pillow out of Kyle's grasp, only to hit him back with it.

"Ah!" Kyle tried to defend his head from the wrath of the throw pillow. He grabbed it and threw it onto the floor. "I don't think periwinkle is a scent. It's a color, dumbass."

"Of course you would know that, dude," Stan yawned, his belly full from beer and pizza. He ruffled his hand in Kyle's hair a second time.

Kyle cringed at his already ruffled hair being ruffled further. "Shut up! And you know what really makes you sound old? The word dude. That's like, from the 80's, _bro_."

"So what? You say _dude_ all the time. And _bro_ is even worse! It sounds like something a dumb college frat kid would say. And it makes it sound like I'm your brother. That's just wrong. Don't call me _bro_."

"But you are my brother. From another mother," Kyle said, before bursting into laughter.

"Now that makes it sound like we're half brothers with the same dad, which isn't any better," Stan grimaced.

"Sometimes I do wish I had Randy for a dad instead," Kyle sighed.

"Ugh. No you don't. My dad's a dumbass."

"But he's a _cool_ dumbass. My dad, on the other hand, is just an asshole," Kyle frowned.

Stan paused for a moment. He remembered the time when they announced to Kyle's parents for the first time that they were dating. Ah, how could he forget that? Gerald's immediate reaction was loud and uncontrollable laughter. In fact, he couldn't stop laughing during that whole dinner, even when Kyle's mom was asking them questions about it. It was just a big joke to him. "Yeaah, okay, maybe you have a point there."

"And when my parents get old and sick, they're going to expect us to take care of them. They might even wanna live with us, if they're too feeble to get around or something," Kyle shuddered. "I don't wanna change their diapers, Stan."

"Aww, why'd you have to ruin my evening with that mental image?" Stan grimaced. "You know, my parents might want me or Shelly to take care of them when they get old, too. And with Shelly having a kid, she's gonna use that as an excuse and act like it's _my_ job."

"If your grandpa's longevity genes run in the family, we'll be taking care of your dad forever," Kyle frowned. "I'm sure we can imagine what that would be like," he sighed. "Staaan, Staaan! Come help me wipe my ass! And bring me a beer while you're at it!"

They both broke into crazed laughter at the thought of an elderly and incapacitated Randy. "So it's decided then. We're faking our deaths, moving out of the country and far away from both our parents before they get that bad. Deal?" Stan grinned.

"It's a deal. But you're gonna have to leave your dental beauty salon behind," Kyle gestured to the bin laying on the floor. "I don't think it would fit in our luggage."

"Aww, but how will I keep my teeth perfect then??" Stan faked a sad frown.

"Don't worry, you'll always be perfect to me, dear," Kyle smiled and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.

" _Dear_? Now you sound about eighty years old. Slow down, old man," Stan grinned, his cheeks turning red as he smiled and soaked up the praise. No matter how many years they'd spent together, they would never fail to make each other blush.

And then Kyle smacked him in the face with the pillow again.


End file.
